Sarah's Fancy Stir-Fry Ramen

So, due to popular demand, I am going to cook for you guys today. Better yet, I am going to teach you guys how to turn this:

 Into this:

Making ramen exciting is a particularly handy skill when:

1. You're a poor, starving writer
2. Any money you do get is going towards buying a couch before the big sale ends
3. You're eating instant ramen all the time anyway
4. You have that faint hope that your ramen tasted different for once

I'm sure we've all been there at least once. Am I right? *crickets chip* Yeah . . . I'm totally right. So let me teach you guys how to spice up instant ramen!

Sarah's Fancy Stir-Fry Ramen
In order to make this delicious meal for two people, you will need:

• 2 packets instant ramen
• 2 hard boiled eggs (peeled)
• Delicious veggies of your choice
• Sesame oil
• Soy sauce
• Rice vinegar
• 1 clove garlic (minced)
• 1 green onion stalk (chopped)
• Fresh ginger (minced)
• Sesame seeds

Yes, you may notice the distinct lack of measurements in that ingredient list. This is because cooking this dish consists mostly of winging it. But don't worry, everything will turn out okay.

Right-o. To start with, we're going to make shoyu eggs, as seen on the excellent Japanese food blog, Just Bento. Why eggs in a noodle dish? They add protein and I love them.

To make these babies, you're going to need some soy sauce and your hard boiled eggs. In this case, I have 2 eggs and 2 tablespoons soy sauce. Heat the soy sauce in a small pan. Once it starts foaming, add the eggs and roll them around with a spoon so they get evenly coated in the soy sauce. When they're done, they'll look something like this:

Yum! Remove from the pan and chill in fridge. This will let the soy sauce set a little bit and make the eggs easier to slice later.

Next, pull out your delicious veggies. In this case I'm using ½ cup frozen corn and ½ cup canned bean sprouts, but I'm also a huge fan of Asian stir fry frozen veggie medleys. Pretty much anything can work though--peas, carrots, brocoli, edamame, water chestnuts, cabbage, etc. Just sauté the veggies of choice in a little butter until they're all warm and delicious. Set aside.

Now it's time to get the actual noodles out of the way. If you're feeling particularly skilled, you can do this while you're sautéing the veggies. If not, well, it's not big deal. Just place the ramen noodle bricks in boiling water, cook until done, strain, and set aside.

For a quick recap: at this point we've made shoyu eggs, sautéed our delicious veggies, and cooked our noodles. Next comes the sauce, which will tie the entire dish together. You will need all of this stuff:

Top row: sesame seeds, rice vinegar, soy sauce, and sesame oil.
Bottom row: ramen seasoning packets (chicken flavor), minced garlic, chopped green onions, and minced ginger.

Okay, so it looks a little intimidating (and expensive), but it's not that bad. Really. The bottled ingredients will last you quite a while and the fresh ingredients are A) not that expensive, and b) add a kick that their powdered counterparts lack.

So to get this started, add the garlic, ginder, and a dollop of sesame oil to your pot. When making this sauce I usually adjust ingredients based on taste, so unfortunately I'm not going to be much help when it comes to measurements. The thing about most of these ingredients is that, while having more or less of one will change the flavor of your sauce, it won't ruin the dish. Don't be afraid to experiment--too much or too little of something never killed anyone.

Anyway, I like to cook the ginger and garlic in the sesame oil until they get soft and a little browned. This seems to help the flavors come out and make them taste delicious. . . but I really have no idea what I'm talking about. Just do it.

Once that's done, it's time to add the rest of your ingredients. Start off with a splash of soy sauce and rice vinegar. You want to have enough liquid to cover your noodles, so make sure to at least cover the bottom of your pot. Mix in some sesame seeds and the two ramen seasoning packets until everything is well combined. Add the green onions and give them the opportunity to soften a little. This is a good time to taste test and adjust the levels of sesame oil, soy sauce, and rice vinegar to get the perfect flavor.

When everything is to your satisfaction, add the cooked veggies that you set aside earlier. Get them all nice and covered in sauce, and then add your noodles. When you're mixing everything, make sure to get the noodles completely covered in sauce. You should have little to no liquid left over and your noodles will visibly change color when they are properly sauced (feel free to compare the color in this next image to the image of the cooking noodles above).

Almost done! Dish out your lovely creation into two bowls. Cut the shoyu eggs we made earlier up into pretty slices and place along the side of your bowl. And look at that, you're done!

Now doesn't that look delicious? Of course it does! Alternatively, if you're feeling particularly ambitious, you can pan fry up some chicken tenders in a little sesame oil and soy sauce, slice them up like the eggs, and have another element to your noodles.

So, how do you guys feel about instant ramen? Is it one of those foods that you avoid like the plague? Have you ever had the opportunity to eat real ramen in Japan? And, most importantly, do you have any alternative ramen recipes worthy sharing? Tell me in the comments!

The nails on FIRE

I made a completely frivolous purchase the other day. I bought a few bottles of the official Hunger Games  nail polish. Yes, you read right. There is Hunger Games nail polish.

Oh yeah.

There are 12 colors in all--representative of the 12 districts, don't cha know. From left to right these are: Luxe and Lush (District 1), Stone Cold (District 2), Riveting (District 3), Electrify (District 5), and Smoke and Ashes (District 12). *thumbs up*

I, uhh, originally was only going to go with, like, two bottles . . . but then I got sucked in. And seriously, when was the last time I could buy book themed fingernail polish? Oh wait, that's right. NEVER.

So yeah, because I know you're all dying to know about my mani, let me tell you.

I am incapable of taking nice pictures. Sorry.

I was going for a "girl on fire" look . . . because if I'm going to own Hunger Games nail polish, I might as well amp up the ridiculousness. So yes. Smoke and Ashes on four nails, Riveting with a topping of Electrify on the accent nail, and Electrify on two of the Smoke and Ashes nails to create "burning embers."

Yes. I may have put too much thought into this.

Anyway, I was wondering: what's the weirdest book paraphernalia that you've ever picked up? Just a Harry Potter scarf . . . or maybe something weirder? Would you grab some Hunger Games nail polish? And what do you think about my mani? Huh, huh? Tell me in the comments!

OVERSIZED LOAD

As many of you already know, strange things happen to me on road trips. So in lieu of anything relevant, I'm am going to tell you a story.

To set the scene: It was late at night in the middle-of-nowhere Montana. Boyfriend and I were in the last legs of our 12-hour car ride and were ready to sleep forever. Then we saw flashy, orange lights in the distance.

Now, I'm sure that many of you who've been on road trips before are familiar with "Oversized Load" vehicles. In general, they are miniature convoys that usually consist of two flag vehicles and a semi truck hauling anything from half of a house to parts of a wind turbine.

This, however, was not your standard "Oversized Load" convoy.

We passed a flag vehicle vehicle with rather prominent lighting that said, "Oversized Vehicle Ahead SLOW DOWN." Then we passed another one with a sign that read, "Be prepared to stop." The next truck was not only driving in the middle of the road, but it was strapped with a gigantic light-up sign that was reminiscent of the glowy communication helicopter from Independence Day.

Which we then followed at 35mph (as opposed to the actual speed limit of 75mph) for the next ten miles.

Luckily the road curved nicely, so we could see the entire convoy. Which included two more flag vehicles, a pilot truck, a two unmarked cars (which ended up being a police car and a flag vehicle without lights) . . . all of which were behind the actual "Oversized Load" vehicle. In front of it were two more unmarked cars (another cop car and unlit flag truck), and two lit flag vehicles.

The real question is, of course, what in the world did these people need to transport that 1) required 12 different support vehicles, 2) needed to be transported in the dark of night, and 3) had to take up the entire road?

Obviously it was a UFO. *nods*

In all actuality, I can't tell you what it was. When the convoy finally pulled over to let the block-up of cars past, all I could see were metal bars and tanks and valves . . . and I couldn't get a picture thanks to the whole pitch-black-middle-of-the-night thing. Alas. Maybe it really was a UFO. *shrug*

So have you ever witness such a large "Oversized Load" convoy? Or, better yet, do you have any other good road trip driving stories? I'd love to hear about them in the comments!

5 fabulous favorite foods

Knowing what kind of food a person likes says a lot about them. Are they a traditionalist rooted in meat and potatoes, or do they prefer things made out of foam? Keeping this in mind, what are the favorite (and maybe even least favorite) foods of the characters you write about? Easier question: can you list five of your favorite foods? I sure can! And now I'm going to:

Chips and Salsa
This might be the result of growing up in a community with a fairly large mexican population, but I don't care. Not only are chips and salsa delicious, but they're relatively healthy. I mean tortilla chips are a step above other chips *cough*potato chips*cough* and salsa is made from delicious, delicious vegetables.

Image credit to mooshee85

Eggs in every shape and form
It's called the incredible, edible egg for a reason. They're a protein goldmine and considering that breakfast is my favorite meal of the day . . . well, it all just compounds to awesomeness. Eggs can be fried, boiled, saladed, baked in a quiche, thrown on top of a hamburger, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Image credit to myheartbehaves

Bagels with cream cheese
Okay, yeah, I know, this one is kind of weird. But I really like bagels and I really like cream cheese. And I'm not even talking flavored cream cheese or interesting bagels. Both of those things rock, but I seriously start salivating for just a plain, toasted bagel with boring, ordinary cream cheese. Just. So. Good!

Image credit to Birdny123

Sushi
I don't how or why, but sushi rice, assorted veggies, and sea critter bits wrapped in seaweed is tasty, tasty stuff. Also, there's nothing else like it. I enjoy the classic rolls, but I really get excited about recipes that take traditional ingredients and twist them into something new. Blue Hashi's Sleepwalker Roll is delightful.

Image credit to Wes_AW

Ice cream!!!
Hahaha, you know those people who can finish off one of those huge cups at Coldstone Creamery? Umm, yeah. That's me. It's creamy and made from milk and sugar . . . what's there to dislike unless you're lactose intolerant? Nothing. Because ice cream is always good. Especially cookies and cream. Yum!

Image credit to ivan.leung

Keep in mind that this is only five of my favorite foods . . . the, uhh, things I would want on that deserted island with me, you know? But there are still a bunch of other things I love. Like corn chowder and mashed potatoes and peach pie. *drools*

Oh crap, talking about all of this is making me hungry. >_> But before I run off to the kitchen, tell me, do my favorite foods tell you anything about me? If so, what? And, even better, what are your five favorite foods and why do you love them so? Are they things you have regular access too, or are your favorites something special? Tell me in the comments!

Font formatting and YOU

Let's talk about italics and bolds and CAPITALS.

Now, I've seen many a writer try to create volume and emotion in argument-based scenes by using bolded and CAPITALIZED letters in their dialogue. I think the idea behind this is something along the lines of the bigger the letters, the bigger the feelings behind them. There's even a semi- hierarchy:

I hate you! (relatively normal level of hate)
I hate you! (angry, burning hate)
I HATE YOU! (angry, passionate explosion of hate)
I HATE YOU! (this is the hate of a million combusting suns)

Charming, yeah? Only not. Because depending on font formatting makes for lazy writing. Instead of showing how angry your character is, you're letting the ink do it for you, and that comes off as pretty weak. Especially when you start getting multiple characters flinging bolded and CAPITALIZED barbs back and forth.

You should never be using bolded or CAPITALIZED words in your writing. Words in themselves have power, and you shouldn't forsake that with silly font formatting. There is always a more effective alternative.

Now, you might argue, what about italics? You just italicized a word in the last sentence, Sarah, and italicized words are in books all the time! What makes italics so special?

Well, for one thing, italics do something different then bolds and CAPITALS. As discussed, people use bolds and CAPITALS to emphasize volume, which can be done in other ways. But italics emphasize, well, emphasis. Just look at the differences in meaning here:

I hate you. (as in me specifically, but maybe no one else hates you)
I hate you. (hate, as opposed to any other feeling)
I hate you. (as in you specifically; maybe I don't hate anyone else)

There's not many easy ways to evoke those same feelings without italics. However, you should always use them sparingly. In fact, you probably should be using italics the same way as I suggest you use adverbs: when it adds something the reader would miss otherwise.

So how do you guys feel about italics and bolds and CAPITALS? Have you ever used bolds and CAPITALS in your writing? If so, it's okay, because I totally have too, and I even threw in some underlining in for super dramatic effect. Even better, do you have a counter-argument for the bolds and the CAPITALS? Either way, tell me what you think in the comments!

Arrrrrr! Pirates! Arrrrrr!

I wasn't sure what to blog about today, but then I remember that I like pirates.* I was a pirate for Halloween, FYI. Here's my skull-handed proof:

THE HEADS OF MY DEFEATED ENEMIES.

Anyway, as I was saying, pirates are pretty cool. And what's even better? Why, pirate jokes! So here, friends, let me tell you all of the best (and only) pirate jokes that I know:

What happened when the red pirate ship and the blue pirate ship collided?
Both crews were marooned!

What did the pirate with the pegleg say when he sailed down to Antartica?
Shiver me timbers!

Why do pirates do so poorly in school?
Because they prefer the high seas!

Why is being a pirate so addictive?
You lose one hand and then you're hooked!

How much do pirates pay for their piercings?
A buccaneer!

Speaking of which, how much did the pirate pay for his hook and peg leg?
An arm and a leg!

And what do you call a pirate with no eye?
A prate!

Have you heard about the pirate that took up boxing?
He had a mean left hook!

Why are pirates pirates?
They just arrrrrr!

What is a pirate's favorite school subject?**
Debate, because then he gets to arrrrrrgue.

Did you hear about that new pirate movie?
It's rated arrrrrr!

What is a pirate's favorite fast food restaurant?
You'd think that it'd be Arrrrrrby's, but it's actually Long John Silver's.

A pirate walks into a bar with a roll of paper towels on his head.
The bartender asks, "What's up with the paper towels?"
The pirate says, "Arrrrrr, I've got a bounty*** on me head!"

See, weren't those hilarious? Yes. Yes they were. Unfortunately, those are only the pirate jokes on hand, and I'm certain that there are dozens--nay, scores!--of other pirate jokes that I don't know. So, I'm curious, do any of you know of some fabulous pirate jokes? If so, tell me in the comments!

*Also, I might have written this post at three in the morning.
**Yes, this is my joke. I made it up just for you. Because I love you. <3
***Bounty is a, uhh, brand of paper towels. FYI.

A few quick ramblings

Today's 11/11/11! Yay exciting number combinations!

Anyway, my internet service has is rotting in a corner somewhere and I've lost the ability to do anything productive past NaNo. Fantastic. On a more positive note, I've written 35,000 words in the last ten days. *thumbs up* Now, here, go watch another NaNo video while I pass out for a few hours:



I particularly enjoy the back-and-forth between the girl and the three guys. Also the montage with all of the people glaring petulantly at their computers. Moving on. How are you guys doing? Up to anything exciting? Writing a lot? Missing sleep a lot? Tell me in the comments

Social writing is bizarre

One of the strangest things about NaNoWriMo* is the fact that it takes writing, an activity that is widely considered to be very solitary, and makes it social.

Super social.

What do I mean by this? Well, NaNo is many things. One of those things involves a lot of sitting in the same room with a bunch of people and NOT talking until the latest word sprint is over. There is intensive writing going on . . . en masse. To an outsider, it probably comes off as very creepy. Hilariously enough, I didn't consider this when I told you all to do it via video chat on Monday.

Anyway, some of you might argue that writing isn't completely solitary. And you're sort of correct. There are word sprint challenges on Twitter . . . well, there are a lot of awesome writerly things on Twitter. But these kinds of things still involve you yourself being alone in a room. Or alone at a table in a coffee house. Or even alone in your head as you children through legos at each other in the next room. Whatever.

Okay, well what about writing groups? Hmm, Sarah, what about those? Well, uhh, in my (admittedly limited) experience most writing groups are about sharing work instead of composing it on the spot. But I could be wrong here.

Either way! What I'm really getting at is this: Social writing is kind of weird and I want to know what you guys think about it.

So, distracting or encouraging? Do you like how it openly involves casual writers, or do you prefer to strictly converse with hardcore writers? Is social writing good for new writers, or does it create unrealistic expectations? Tell me what you think in the comments!

*An Aside: Apparently I'm never going to shut up about NaNo. Sorry. Only not.

Fanfics and FULL LIFE CONSEQUENCES

Fanfiction Week Mark 2? Apparently. Let's just roll with it.

Anyway.

Bad fanfiction.

It can be annoying. There's a lot of it. FanFiction.net is a glorified slush pile. However, bad fanfiction can also be a little like watching a bad sci-fi movie. Horrible and hilarious at the same time. *nods*

Today is a day of Full Life Consequences.

For those who don't know, Full Life Consequences is Half-Life fanfic that became an internet meme after it was immortalized on YouTube. Now, don't be scared if you've never heard of Half-Life, because honestly, you don't really need to know anything about it in order to appreciate this.

It's just the simple story of how original character John Freeman saves his brother, Gordon Freeman (the main character of Half-Life), from his "enemys." Enjoy:

See, wasn't that beautiful? Isn't your life complete now? And the moral of the story is this: next time you're hunting the net for some good fanfiction, remember that the not-so-good fanfiction can bring joy as well.

How do you feel about the hoards of bad fanfiction plaguing the internet? Amused or annoyed? Did Full Life Consequences change your opinion at all? And has anyone ever heard of My Immortal? Tell me in the comments!

Some snow, a fire, new book—oh my!

Yesterday I said this on Twitter:

Let's just say that it was an exciting day. Shall I explain?

Despite the fact that it's only the beginning of October and that it was 80ºF earlier this week, I woke up to something that looked like this:

This is my backyard . . . look at that poor hammock!

Actually, my entire day looked a little like that, but increasing amounts of snow. It was certifiable blizzard weather with whiteouts and slush and fender benders everywhere. Also, because none of our trees have changed color yet, a lot of broken branches. Driving downtown was a little like going through a warzone, with branches and leaves and destruction everywhere.

The part where this starts getting really memorable is up next though. Our power went out. This, in itself is not a big deal. Happens every winter. However, twenty minutes later our chimney got clogged somehow and smoke began billowing into our house.

How do you fix this? Well, you dump your fire (aka: flaming logs) into an ash bucket and throw them outside into snow. Then, when the fire is fully out, you open all of your windows in an attempt to air out the smoke. Then you freeze to death since, you know, there's no heater because the power's out.

Haha, kind of a ridiculous combination of events, yeah?

Well, things are better now. There is light and heat and internet (the important things). The upstairs is a bit of a smokey . . . but I supposed we'll get a better chance to air it out in two days when it's supposed to hit the 60ºFs. *rolls eyes* Oh, and the book I bought? Ilsa J. Bick's Ashes. :)

So, you guys have any particularly interesting weather stories? I've got another good one about a tornado on Valentine's Day, but we'll save that for another time. Anyway. Has it snowed yet where you live? Or have you ever bought a good book that somehow transformed your crazy day? Tell me in the comments.

Search term madness!

We have all googled something at some point. And really, most of the search terms that people use to get to this blog are boring. Things like "mac vs pc," "do writers play video games," and "sailor moon." However, there is also a plethora of entertaining search terms, and that is what we are going to look at today.

brown blob slug bottom squid ink
. . . what does that even mean?

cliphunt sexy videos
You were disappointed, weren't you?

cool things to do with binder clips
You know, I could totally do a post on this topic. Anyone interested? My obsession with binder clips has provided me with an unnatural well of knowledge on the subject. Hmm, maybe in a few weeks.

freakishly creepy trees
Bahahahahahaha! My life is complete now.

got bit by something at yellowstone
That's a bit concerning. However, I think it might help to be more specific. Were you bitten by a bug or a bear? 'Cause, uhh, I think there will be different symptoms involved . . . you know, itching vs. bleeding out? Yeah.

i also want you
Umm, well, err, okay. That's nice. Especially, since I apparently wanted you first?

i live in scrivener
This is a good thing. A very good thing. Scrivener is pretty much the best program ever.

is friday an adverb?
No. It's not. It's a noun.

is loving an adverb?
Also no. "Loving" would be a verb. Or a gerund in special cases . . . which is a noun.

narrative point of view squidd
I'm pretty sure that would be a boring book:

Today I battled with a with a sperm whale, but alas, our eternal feud must continue on for another day. However, I did get a nice, meaty chunk out of its side . . . though since consumption three of my tentacles have been twitching sporadically. I cannot imagine why.

picture of invading army
I'm so glad that you stumbled onto this blog in your search for suitably epic imagery. More people need to know about the impending threat on our soils.

stylish squid blog
Yessssssss. That's right. :D

what can i do with my dead llama
What can you do? WHAT CAN YOU DO?! What a silly question. Why, you can pay attention. :D

where do the keep squidzilla
Squidzilla? Why would you think that they keep Squidzilla somewhere? *shifty eyes* You don't think that they're training Squidzilla to attack, do you? That Squidzilla is, as we speak, cultivating a taste for human flesh and buildings in Tokyo? That would be silly! *high-pitched laugh*

See, wasn't that fun? So have you guys gotten any particularly exciting search term hits on your blogs/websites? Google Analytics is the easiest way to keep track of that kind of information, if you were wondering. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments!

Bread pudding and your DREAMS

Last night I made bread pudding.

It was spontaneous. As in, I wanted to eat something sweet and decided to make bread pudding. Because I like to pretend I'm a magnificent cook.

This awesome plan might have gone better if I'd ever actually eaten bread pudding before. Or knew what bread pudding is supposed to look like. Or maybe if the recipe I went with actually had useful information in it (like, cook time or logical instructions).

Does this look like bread pudding? At all?

Mmm. Tasty. Ish.

The point is, sometimes it's better to consider what you're doing before you actually bother to do it, especially if it's something you've never done before. Otherwise you might end up stuck with a 9x9 pan full of lumpy mush.

If you're writing a YA book, you should probably read a few YA books and find out what hallmarks make the genre. If you're applying to a college or a job, it might be a good idea to research the place that you're applying to so you don't get surprised later on. Because you know what? You should never treat your dreams and ambitions as carelessly as my bread pudding.

So, have you made anything that didn't turn out as well as you hoped it would? What was it? A cooking experiment gone wrong, or something else? Tell me about it in the comments.

The flopping fish of my PAIN

I don't have a post for today.

It's kind of pathetic. Really. Writers are supposed to be able to "channel their pain into writing," or some such nonsense, but I kind of fail at that. There are dozens of examples of suicidal writers and drug-using writers and angst-ridden writers who all wrote beautiful works revolving around their hazy lives of misery. I am not one of those people.

When life has irritated or upset me, I don't write. My brain sputters a bit before completely shutting down--kind of like a fish in the shallows, flopping around in an attempt to get back into deeper water.

Anything like plot diagraming is out of reach because I can't focus on something that complex. Descriptions run flat and the joy of writing a delicious sentence vanishes because my vocabulary has been diminished to a few hundred words. Yes, my brain truly becomes that drowning fish.

Of course, when I'm happy and feeling good about life, writing goes a bit different. All those creative parts of my brain that get shut off in fish mode are switched back on. I have the power of word choice! And sentence structure! And ideas! Writing becomes fun again (even when my story is being cranky).

Hence this blog post. I won't go into details, but I'm annoyed right now and I couldn't craft a wittier metaphor than this beached fish thing. Not my best work. And I know, I could delete everything I just said about not having a prepared post and you guys would never know (theoretically). But that would defeat the purpose, wouldn't it?

Anyway, what do you guys think? Are you able to "channel your pain" when you write? Do you compose super heartfelt poetry or prose from the angst in your own life? Or does your writing thrive when you're happy and cheerful? Tell me in the comments.

I have a secret

You read right. A dread secret. It's something I've kept from you all, but maybe if I reveal it now, after we've all become so close, you'll hate me less. Do you think you could bring it in your hearts to forgive me, writers and readers and internet surfers of the world?

Okay. With that hearty exclamation of, "YES," I guess I can tell you.

Are you ready? Here it goes.

I do not like coffee.

*screams and gasps*

That's right. I'm a writer that doesn't like coffee. I don't even like the smell of coffee. When people hand me their frou frou coffee drink with the assurance that "you can't even taste the coffee," well guess what? I can still taste the evil brew lurking behind copious amounts of cream and flavored syrup.

Yes, it's true. I'm the person that goes into the coffee shop and gets a chai latte. Or a cup of earl grey. I scorn your macchiatos and your frappuccinos and your other very long, difficult to spell, Italian-based words. I'd rather drink something else.

Okay, now, in all seriousness. The stereotypical writer seems to love coffee and booze (hey, maybe that's a post for the future). Coffee for those neurotic writing sessions and booze . . . for the same reason. Hmm. Anyway, everyone likes to talk about coffee like it's their lifeblood. Except, well, me.

I like milk.

*crickets chirp*

So! I'm curious about you guys. Love coffee? Hate coffee? Are you ashamed or proud to fall in with the masses of coffee-drinking people? Can we still be friends after this terrible confession of mine? Is drinking coffee really part of being a writer, or is there more to it than that? Tell me about your drinking habits in the comments.

Freaky Friday Blogfest

Today is Friday the 13th. Horrible, wonderful, hilarious things are known to happen on this day. Because it is magical. Or something. And this Friday the 13th is no slouch, as Kat Brauer over at The Flighty Temptress is hosting the Freaky Friday Blogfest! Because I find it terribly amusing, I am participating.

All we're doing is posting 500 words worth of old, unpublished work for critique. That's right, you're allowed to shamelessly mock critique the excerpt posted below. But it's really okay, because, it's hilariously bad. Really. My excerpt comes from the story that spawned the "Yikes-o-wowie!" line. Anyway, the blogfest runs until the end of May 15th, so hopefully a bunch of other people will participate and we can all giggle at our old, decrepit writing together!

So, onto my excerpt. It's from the first original story I wrote back in 2000. Entitled Rowin Warriors: The War, it took place in the future and was about kids in the military and they saved the universe . . . or something like that? Totally middle grade. There were also aliens and magical fighting powers and people who flirted through arguments. Yeah. I was 12. It didn't have to make sense.

---

Chapter One: Potatoes
POV: Kat
I opened my eyes as I yawned. A big yawn to be precise. I was tired. Now who wouldn't be tired after a meeting at twelve o'clock, midnight, extending to two o'clock, in the morning? A stupid meeting . . . oh dear, I snapped awake. I looked at the clock; it said 7:32. TGINL: Thank Goodness I'm Not Late. Then I saw the paper next to my clock. It said:

KAT

Read this paper

Change clock tonight

DO NOT FORGET

THE COMMANDER WILL SHOOT YOU AND THEN EAT YOU FOR HIS DINNER WITH A PETITE FORK IF YOU FORGET TO LOOK AT THIS LITTLE PAPER

I sat there blinking for a couple seconds, trying to comprehend what I had just read. Now you got to understand this, it’s not easy to assimilate things when you had, oh, two hours of sleep. Snap. Crackle. Pop.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!" I yelled as I jumped out of the hammock. But failed. Instead of getting out of the hammock, I flipped it over and landed on my head, on the ground, in the dirt. So then I attempted to get up, but my foot got caught in the hammock, so as I held onto my bruised head, screaming, I fell again. So by the third time I had actually gotten out of the stupid hammock, but as I held my head in agony, something crawled over my hands. To be more precise, something with eight legs that eats bugs.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!” I yelled again, and swatted at my head, and a big black spider dropped out of my brown and highlighted green hair. Now let me describe what make this arachnid scary. It was a giant black spider. A really, really big black spider. I am talking huge, gigantic, large black spider that was on my head. The freaking thing was as big as my hand! So, in a somewhat calm mood, I grabbed a comic book belonging to who knows, and smashed the monster spider screaming something similar to the words die, death, and get away.

So that matter was taken care of, now to the big problem.

“Bad morning. Really bad morning. Why can’t it be Friday?” I moaned. I was late for the Commander’s stupid talk that was supposed to take place at 8:00, in the morning, and a monster spider just tried to kill me. In other words, I’m seriously flirting with death.

To tell the truth, I could have gotten up on time, but I didn't look at the paper and I didn't change my clock. When I looked at my clock earlier it had said it was 7:00, so I believed it. It had been Daylight Savings yesterday and I didn’t bother to change my clock, so the alarm was wrong too. That was a little over half an hour ago and clock now said 7:43. But it's really 8:43, correction; it's now 8:44, or if you prefer, 7:44.

---

Please don't judge me. *cringe*

But yeah. It took 2500 more words for Kat to get to her meeting. 2500 WORDS. But that's why this is a Friday the 13th Blogfest, right? It's all about horrible, wonderful, hilarious things. Oh, and if you're wondering about the chapter title, Kat totally gets KP duty.

Anyway, feel free to give my 12-year-old self a critique. I remember being particularly proud of this opening at the time, even though now it makes my eyes bleed. Tell me your thoughts in the comments (and then go participate with your own post because I want to laugh at your stuff too)!

The great binder clip hunt

One of my favorite times of year is Back to School season. Not because I have an affinity for the moans of young children as summer's end draws near, but because cool office supplies are in abundance. Ha, bet I've lost you all now, since, you know, it's not actually Back to School season. Well, that's the reason behind this post, actually.

Now, I told myself a long time ago that when I finished a full-length manuscript I would do two things: 1) I would get said manuscript printed out so I could luxuriate in its papery goodness, and 2) I would hold that papery goodness together with big, sexy binder clips. For some reason, I have always associated manuscripts with binder clips, so this seemed like a fantastic idea.

Then, of course, I finished a manuscript in March.

So Boyfriend and I went to Office Max. There we printed my manuscript out and searched for shiny new office supplies. I felt like I deserved delicious new goodies in which to rip my writing to shreds. Unfortunately, I usually binge on such supplies during back to school season, where there's an actual selection.

We grabbed some Sharpie highlighters, but found that there were no boxes of red Bic pens. And the binder clip selection? Totally wussy. They were all small and black. They couldn't hold 20 pages when my manuscript was almost 400. It was a disappointment, but we left the Office Max in good spirits and headed towards our other options.

There was nothing promising at Fred Meyer but some cool Post-It notes. Staples was home to the rare and elusive box of red Bic pens, but their binder clip selection was just as weak as Office Max's. Maybe this should have been an issue--but I had seen shiny fleur-de-lis binder clips there just a couple months ago! Wal-Mart was the last option, and while there were colorful binder clips, they were still so small. My manuscript was three inches thick. Where was giant binder clip for which I was searching?!

Simply enough, it was nowhere to be found.

I know they exist. You know the ones I'm talking about. Those giant binders clips that, if necessary, could work like a tourniquet for a young child. I've seen them before. So have you. But their absence, plus the strange rarity of those red pens brought me to a conclusion: no one cares about office supplies in March.

The moral of the story? August and September are the blessed months of the office supply nerd. Go shopping then.

In the end, I bought a butt-ton of small and medium binder clips, which I've been using on individual chapters of my manuscript. Someday though, mark my words, I'll find the ultimate binder clip. The god of binder blips. And you can bet that I'll be scoping the stores come Back to School season.

Wow, my hand looks extremely deranged in this picture. Also, binder clips!

So what about you guys? Do you have a fetish for office supplies? Can you only work with a special writing pen or with a specific brand of post-its? Or is any old thing good as long as it works? Also, how do you feel about binder clips? Tell me in the comments.

The invading power pole army

So if any of you thought the conspiracy of the trees post was the only Oregon picture dump post, you were incorrect in your assumption. I'm just staggering them out so I don't bore you all with pictures. Speaking of which, image heavy post ahoy!

Anyway. Today I am here to tell you about the second evil plot of Oregon. Well, sort of. I guess it's not really evil. Or a plot. But whatever.

First of all, the most important thing you need to understand is that I grew up in southern Idaho and went to college in western Montana. When we see giant, scary power poles they look something like this:

One lone Montana power pole on a mountain.

Our giant power poles are rare and often made of wood. They don't come off as murderous alien invaders. Now, the second important point here is that the farther west Boyfriend and I drove to get to Portland, the more prevalent the power poles became.

Not that these look particularly menacing or anything.

However, now it is time for you to scroll back up and observe that one Montana power pole sitting alone on top of the mountain. Think about that power pole. Observe how not menacing it is. How a hoard of people could easily overpower it with torches and pitchforks. Then scroll down and envision this:

Looming death machines. Also, note the creepy branches at the top of the frame.

Power poles. Everywhere! And in all shapes and sizes.

They even had a special road. And yes, this exit really does exist.

It's pretty much an army on the horizon, ready to kill us all.

All of this got Boyfriend and me thinking. What if these power poles really were an invading army? More specifically, what if they were some kind of enemy in a video game? You know, something 2D with a fun aesthetic, like Patapon. Maybe Flower sort of already did it, but those power poles were kind of static. These ones would fling electrical whips and move in waves of death and destruction! Like a tower defense game. Just tell me these aren't great enemies:

It looks pissed off. It looks like it wants to kill us.

These would obviously be armored baddies that would stomp on you.

Once again, giant, angry video game villains. They're all so angry!

The best part about this whole video game power pole conspiracy was the fact that they actually did attack. Really. On our second to last day in Oregon, there was a terrible windstorm which knocked out all the power in Sandy. Luckily we missed it since we were taking a day trip in Astoria, but it was crazy. Signs were blown out and downtown Sandy was completely dark.

Better yet, we got to drive over power lines. That's right. We drove on power lines. The lines had snapped in the wind and hundreds of yards of them coiled across the road. It was too dark to get any good pictures, but the next day the electrical workers had looped the loose cable on the fence next to the road. Check it:

Ignore Boyfriend's face and focus on the shiny power lines. Ooo.

So how many of you think I'm just crazy now? How about when I tell you that Boyfriend and I probably took more pictures of trees and power poles than anything else? And what about this video game idea? Good? Bad? Lame? Tell me in the comments!

"Yikes-o-wowie!"

Let's talk about sports.

I've never been big into sports. You know that kid in every gym class? The one that gets hit in the face every week, be it with a basketball, a dodge ball, or even a hockey stick? That was totally me. And yes, the hockey stick incident very much hurt.

Yet, despite this disinclination, I was on a swim team.

The best part about swim team was not the fact that you were never sweaty. Or that your nasal cavities were permanently sanitized thanks to the constant inhalation of chlorine. Or even that swim team helped me letter in high school despite being a straight up nerd. No. The best part was how easy it was to mark my progress.

Let's be straight here. I was not the best person on swim team. I wasn't even close. But every second I could shave off of my lap time was a victory. It was child's play to memorize my fastest times and compare them to the instant results at swim meets. I knew when I had done my best. It was easy to see that I was getting better.

Writing, on the other hand, is not like that.

There are no numbers to tell you that you've improved--no empirical way to write a chapter and know that it's better than anything you've written before. Every sentence is different and fluid. Something that seemed wonderful a week ago might be terrible now. It doesn't help that your judgment is completely warped when writing and everything seems a thousand times better or worse than it really is.

There is, however, one way to tell. It's a bit more time consuming than comparing stats, but it definitely works. Go read your old work.

I recently finished a full-length manuscript and in the process of avoiding it, I've been piddling about with old writings. Some were better than expected. Most were far worse than remembered. The key thing they all share though: when I wrote/edited them, I thought they were awesome. Now they mostly make me cringe.

Where were my storytelling skills? How on earth did I think that word choice was good? What was I thinking when I re-wrote that entire section?

But looking back on something old is great because it reaffirms that I have been improving. It's not precise like comparing swim times, but I can tell that my writing has become more concise, more controlled than it used to be. Maybe it's not perfect, but I'm definitely not writing dialogue along the lines of "Yikes-o-wowie! It's dang dark in here!"* anymore.

So the next time you're feeling down about what you've written, go back and read something old. If you're like me, there will be rampant cliches and dialogue that'll make you wince. Then you'll definitely feel better about what you're writing now.

Have you done this recently? Does your old writing horrify you, or is some of it surprisingly salvageable? Or should we spend more time reading and absorbing how the masters wrote instead of reflecting on our old follies? Tell me what you think in the comments.

*This decade old line is by far the best thing I have ever written. Totally.

These trees are out to get you

Now, I like taking pictures. I'm no photographer and I definitely don't have a camera that lets me pretend to be one, but pictures can be fun. This post is evidence of me being ridiculous with my camera. Also, it is image heavy. I'm sorry.

Now, just for some background, this post is all about trees. Specifically trees in Oregon and how creepy they are. Like many of you, I grew up with trees. They had green leaves/needles and brown trunks. They were also not very memorable. Oregon trees are different. The first sign I had that there was something wrong with the trees in Oregon was this:

What is this mysterious rectangular blob in the distance?

 Which, on closer inspection turned out to be this:

Creepy, endless death trees. Also, a power pole, which is another post coming.

These trees lasted for miles. Creepy, identical and freakishly tall trees. I half expected to see werewolves galavanting through them. This was not the case. Eventually Boyfriend and I left the tree field behind and everything seemed safe again. This was also not the case.

A slight detour in the Colombia River Gorge and suddenly we were surrounded by trees. But not ordinary trees. Witchy trees. Seriously. There was even this creepy fence built from crooked metal poles and half-eroded mossy logs.

The Hansel and Gretel witch was just around the corner.

And if those weren't weird enough, the closer we got to out destination, the stranger things got. The witch trees were, well witchy, but at least they were still brown. Not like these next things:

Fluffy trees. FLUFFY TREES. Enough said.

Difficult to see, but these trees are also freakish and fluffy.

After 12 hours of driving, Boyfriend and I made it to our destination. For the next few days we would be surrounded by trees, just waiting to kill us in our sleep.

Backyard tree: broken limbs angling towards the house to eat us.

Yes, that green thing is part of a tree, also angling downward to maim. 

Don't even ask me what's up with this tree. It's not normal.

And then we encountered something that may or may not have been a tree. It could have been an alien. Or a mutant, green Bigfoot. Either way, I feel like touching it would result in mutant moss spores invading my body and turning me into a zombie or something. Seriously.

Yes, that green, weepy thing is a tree. There was "moss" everywhere.

Now, you may think I'm crazy. But I'm not. Really*. You just have to look past the facade that the Oregon trees wear. For example, the King Midas tree:

Normal leaves, sparkling like gold. But they are not gold.

That tree might look all pretty and harmless, but it is a lie. The trees in Oregon are slowly planning our demise. Here, my final piece of evidence:

Everything seems normal with the flash on, but . . .

THIS TREE WILL EAT YOUR SOUL.

So, what do you guys think? Are the trees in Oregon ridiculous and creepy? Or have I lost my mind? Tell me in the comments (because I really want to know).

* By the way, I'm not crazy. The trees were weird and fun and I thought I'd share. Hopefully they'll inspire you somehow. But please don't start thinking I'm paranoid on trees like some people are on aliens or the government.

Sailor Moon is the reason I write

Everyone has an origin story. A while ago I promised that I would tell you mine. And excitingly enough, it actually involved super heroes. What super heroes, you ask? These ones:

Sailor Mars and Jupiter were totally my favorites, btw.

Yes, Sailor Moon is what did me in. Teenage girls with short skirts, super powers, and the responsibility of keeping the world safe from evil.

Let me explain.

First of all, you need to understand that Sailor Moon was my First Great Obsession. A lot of things in my life can be attributed to Sailor Moon. Yes, I loved the Power Rangers to previously described extremes, but Sailor Moon was different. Sailor Moon changed my life.

Yeah, this sounds a little pathetic, but it's true. Sailor Moon has the honor of being the first animated series I'd seen with an over-arcing plot, and that made my young, pre-teen mind explode.

I became interested in computers because I could go to Sailor Moon fansites. I then learned HTML and made my own semi-popular Sailor Moon fansite. I began to read comic books (starting with Sailor Moon and branching outward) and then I fell down the slippery slope to anime geekdom. Drawing became an official hobby, and I filled sketchbooks with horrible Sailor Moon doodles. I started to realize that a lot of stuff from Asia is really cool, which eventually led to friendships and expanded horizons and all sorts of nifty stuff. The most important thing though, is that my obsession with Sailor Moon turned to fanfiction.

I wanted to write fanfiction. And I did. It was melodramatic, it was overwrought, and thankfully it never saw the light of day. The reason it lives in a cold, abandoned corner on my harddrive, is that I realized something: why write fanfiction for Sailor Moon when I could write something entirely of my own?

That thought was the beginning. That thought spurned a dozen stories and thousands of words. Even though I kept writing fanfiction, I started to cultivate my own ideas, and eventually it got me here. Now I'm working on writing for a living. And I can blame it all on Sailor Moon.

So, tell me, why do you write? Can you chase your origins down to a classic, children's television show? Or is your reasoning something a little more respectable? Have you always known you wanted to write? Tell me in the comments!