Friday, December 9, 2011

Arrrrrr! Pirates! Arrrrrr!

I wasn't sure what to blog about today, but then I remember that I like pirates.* I was a pirate for Halloween, FYI. Here's my skull-handed proof:
Anyway, as I was saying, pirates are pretty cool. And what's even better? Why, pirate jokes! So here, friends, let me tell you all of the best (and only) pirate jokes that I know:

What happened when the red pirate ship and the blue pirate ship collided?
Both crews were marooned!

What did the pirate with the pegleg say when he sailed down to Antartica?
Shiver me timbers!

Why do pirates do so poorly in school?
Because they prefer the high seas!

Why is being a pirate so addictive?
You lose one hand and then you're hooked!

How much do pirates pay for their piercings?
A buccaneer!

Speaking of which, how much did the pirate pay for his hook and peg leg?
An arm and a leg!

And what do you call a pirate with no eye?
A prate!

Have you heard about the pirate that took up boxing?

He had a mean left hook!

Why are pirates pirates?
They just arrrrrr!

What is a pirate's favorite school subject?**
Debate, because then he gets to arrrrrrgue.

Did you hear about that new pirate movie?
It's rated arrrrrr!

What is a pirate's favorite fast food restaurant?
You'd think that it'd be Arrrrrrby's, but it's actually Long John Silver's.

A pirate walks into a bar with a roll of paper towels on his head.
The bartender asks, "What's up with the paper towels?"
The pirate says, "Arrrrrr, I've got a bounty*** on me head!"

See, weren't those hilarious? Yes. Yes they were. Unfortunately, those are only the pirate jokes on hand, and I'm certain that there are dozens--nay, scores!--of other pirate jokes that I don't know. So, I'm curious, do any of you know of some fabulous pirate jokes? If so, tell me in the comments!

*Also, I might have written this post at three in the morning.
**Yes, this is my joke. I made it up just for you. Because I love you. <3
***Bounty is a, uhh, brand of paper towels. FYI.